Mike Tyson's Punch Out / Contra

It's really what NES was created for. A Tuesday night, a buddy calls and says "What's up, wanna hang out? What's there to do? We should play some video games!"

Upon arrival, Jake sees and remembers the scope of my collection and flatters me. After checking out my PS3, receiver setup, projector, basically...man cave, we search through nearly 400 NES titles and settle on, you guessed it, Contra. How could we really pick anything else? Jake brings up the story of how I beat Contra my freshmen year of college upside down and through a mirror, so of course we have to play it now.

After 7+ years for Jake and 1+ year for me, Jake and I fall into our old rhythm of gunning down computer drones with spread guns and slicing our way inside and out of the vile Red Falcon with lasers and F-guns. As it turns out, we saved the universe, and we are heroes. I am proud to say we made no silly errors like jumping each other out of the screen or holding each other back. We did get shot a couple times and Jake fell into a few pits, but that's to be expected after such a lag. I finished with 30 guys and Jake finished with 13. We used "The Code".

We then continue on to Mike Tyson's Punch Out. As we contemplate the difference between Mike Tyson and Mr. Dream, Jake and Little Mac work their way through the Major and Minor divisions. Jake stumbled on Soda Popinski and I took over. After showing Jake a new trick on Soda (block his big uppercut and he freezes, then you can pop him for a star), I stumble upon Don Flamenco reincarnated. I lose. Then Jake loses again by decision. Holy crap! We're getting old. The only way to go through that game is simply to go undefeated, so we started over. I punch my way in record time through the ranks and gett to Tyson flawless. Thirty seconds later, I'm flat on my butt, Game Over.

Time for the other code (007-373-5963). Jake takes his turn; Tyson takes three punches and 18 seconds later Jake is done in record time. I come back and Jake says "Last try, gotta go." Tyson gets worked over in the first round, no uppercut connections. Second round starts, three belly shots sends him to the mat with three stars in my pocket. Tyson gets counter punched and uppercutted into the mat twice more for my quickest victory ever: 2:05 in the second round. Tyson has never seen such finger speed before!

It was a pleasure and an honor to play video games with Jake. Anytime somebody wants to play a little NES, just do it. It makes you feel good! All the old times are brought back and all the cares in the world go away. All I'm saying is that we could have used a family-sized bucket of KFC to top off the night. Thank you mothers and children for making this possible.

Monopoly

Net Worth=$28,539
Parameters=8 Player Game (7 computer)
Piece=Thimble
Name=Bean

Monopoly helped prove the hypotheses that the main character's name has a significant effect on the outcome of the game. With names like "Derpy" and "SlapRod" there was no success to be had. Ten or fifteen tries with names like that yielded early bankruptcy. After some deep soul searching, the name Bean came to my mind. Why?

Orson Scott Card wrote a series of books based on extraordinary children being excellent tacticians and making their own luck. The book "Shadow of the Hegemon" is what I am currently reading and Bean is the main protagonist. The game of Monopoly requires excellent tactics and strokes of luck.

An eight player game requires a different strategy than with only a few players. After some trial and error looking to get the green and the red monopolies and going bankrupt over and over again, the answer was waiting in transportation. Cut off the enemies' supply lines and they won't be able to succeed. Acquiring the first two railroads was the first step in the plan. Buying the next railroad for an extreme price of $750 seemed like an exorbitant price, but the resulting cash flow proved the contrary. Having Kentucky Avenue provided the leverage needed to acquire the last railroad. With seven other players dividing all of the important properties, and many rounds of idle play, Bean amassed a small fortune. Preying upon weaker players and not making pivotal trades was the strategy that led to the defeat of Carmen, Ollie, the resilient Erwin, and the rest of the predictable computer players.

Monopoly...some of you may ask. Really? The answer to that is of course that I wanted to get an easy win and also I can't get my wife to play the game with me and I felt like playing. I wanted an easy victory because I just spent 130 hours on Final Fantasy X-2. With that said, I am irritated beyond belief that after getting 100% completion, I did not get the perfect ending. That is what I've been up to since Halloween. I also got a PS3 for Christmas and put off playing it until I beat Final Fantasy. I am looking forward to playing Metal Gear, NCAA Football, and Final Fantasy 13. Once I get wrapped up in FF13 it is unlikely that the NES will receive the attention it deserves. I will probably put that off until the summer.

Sophia is now running around the house, climbing up on the Love Sack and grabbing at my controllers. I can just tell she is itching to beat Zelda and whip up on some Sesame Street ABC123. Which allele do we need to isolate to measure the amount of video game prowess that is hereditary?

Until next time...I don't think it will be as long of a wait.